Very sad news

[roccus]

Keith,

This thread really hits home here. I lost my mother in 2016, and lost my sister this year around early Feb. The old man is remarried now in SC and barely comes this way to visit anymore, even before all the covid crap started. Suffice to say, my "old" family is just about gone and that I think about.. every damn day.

God bless you and your family. Take Care.

- Jer

I fully understand were you are coming from and sorry for your loses.

I am the last person standing in my immediate family. I only have our daughter, son in law, and 2 grand kids. Our daughter basically dumped or grandson on us. She was young and did not want the responsibility of changing shitty diapers and all the work that is needed to raise a baby, so we did it. She moved down to GA with a guy, we hardly never saw her, till one day. Just after our grandson turned 4 she showed up with a cop just out of the blue, we had no idea she was coming, she demanded her son back, we had no recourse as we never had legal custody of the grandson. The cop allowed us 1 hour to pack some stuff for him and say our goodbyes. Needless to say this tore our hearts apart, we felt like out hearts were ripped out. We went from a very happy family in this house, to a very sad deep grieving for some time to heal to get over it.

From there over time calls or visits from them were far and few between. Daughter had a girl which we did not get to see till she was 2, then the last time we got to see her and grandson was 6 years ago, grand daughter was 5 and grandson was 12. My wife would sit here, swell up with tears now and then as she loved them so much but yet could not be a part of their lives as they grew up.

A few days after my wife passed daughter and grandson came up to stay with me for about 10 days. Grandson is now 18. When got here and I saw him for first time in 6 years I broke down in tears. He has grown to 6'2", oh god how I wish his grandma could have seen him one last time before she had to go. When daughter and grandson left here a week ago to go back home, daughter made a pack with me where I am here alone now, she would call every day to check on me. If 24 hours went by, and I did not answer the phone, it could mean either something happened to me or I am dead, she would call a neighbor to come over to check me out. Well it has been 5 days since she last called, I tried too call her a couple days ago, but had to leave a message.... she still has not called back, grand kids also have phones now but no calls from them either.

So when it comes to feeling alone, as family turns it's back on you, I truly do fully understand.... Just got to deal with it and take it one day at a time

 

[laatsch55]

Damn Keith. That just plain sucks. I'm at a loss for words..

 

[AngrySailor]

Damn...

 

[Gepetto]

Keith, it's very sad when families cannot be families. Hopefully your daughter will start coming around with the grandkids...

 

[Phase Linear Phanatic]

My father in-law came over for Christmas and I have been warned in the past by my wife that his attitude varies from one year to the next. It could be "F-The Holidays" or "This is Great to be with Family". This year it was the first. He said Christmas had lost it's meaning and "F-presents" and wouldn't open any. No explanation is ever given, however this year has hit hard. All his friends and family are dying off and I think he feels a sense of mortality setting in. His neighbor passed away last week, so that's probably the precursor, but he lost a lot of family this year as well. Brothers and sisters.

I myself just got word, that a guy I used to work right along-side with back in the control panel building days; shot and killed himself last week, right in front of his wife and son. Jesus. And he was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy with a spirited attitude too. Not a prick whatsoever to anyone.

It just goes to show you how every day matters; and spend it with the ones you love like every second counts. You just don't ever know? But like the rest of you probably believe; 2021 can go screw itself as far as I'm concerned. I hope we improve on 2021. Everyone here has been like family to me over the last 8 years. The bartering back and forth, the help on projects, sending music. I even helped a guy on here get his 700B from a local craigs-lister and then box it up for him and send it off. I mean, people you may have never met personally in your life and we go out of our way to help each other. It's just not that common anymore

I listened to Stevens 2014 Christmas CD this year on the PL700B system. Even found the thread where we he was asking us all for our mailing addresses. I hope everyone here gets better and has an easier new year. If you don't have a physical family anymore, remember that you will always have one here.

The support network is gracious. I can't speak for other forums, but from what I have seen here over the years, there can't be any better.

 

[laatsch55]

Amen Dave..

 

[roccus]

I agree 110% the way people here rallied around me is incredible, the fact they not only took the time to read the rather lengthy posts but send words of encouragement and concern was very heart warming, comforting, and appreciated more then they know. Then the fact that some shared their own experiences shows we are not alone as we deal with family and personal tragedies. When these tragedies occur, we grieve , we want to shut the outside world out, but to start to heal we need family and friends to lean on so we don't feel so alone.

In my case I will never stop loving my wife, together we became one, I was the right hand she was the left hand, together we made things work. We both honored and cherished our vow, "till death do we part". With the amputation of my left hand I need to just take it one day at a time, deal with the loss, and go on....

 

[laatsch55]

One day at a time Keith. Jani and I still aren't, "over" the loss of one of our sons we just learned to live with it..

 

[bill7621]

One day at a time Keith. Jani and I still aren't, "over" the loss of one of our sons we just learned to live with it..

You never get over the loss of a family member, dear friend, or beloved pet....never. You learn to live through it and get by as best you can.

 

[George S.]

You never get over the loss of a family member, dear friend, or beloved pet....never. You learn to live through it and get by as best you can.

Amen.

 

[krellmk]

You never get over the loss of a family member, dear friend, or beloved pet....never. You learn to live through it and get by as best you can.

So true.. when my mom pass all i did was music and wine to kill the hurt.

 

[laatsch55]

 

[roccus]

Something I came across for all those who lost a spouse..

One More Day
Poster based in Canada
· DtmoSeincccemnrberSr ln2po1ftn iuratnsdiorSn 8:0o0o edAM ·
“Widowhood is more than missing your spouse’s presence. It is adjusting to an alternate life. It is growing around a permanent amputation.
Widowhood is going to bed for the thousandth time, and still, the loneliness doesn’t feel normal. The empty bed a constant reminder. The night no longer brings intimacy and comfort, but the loudness of silence and the void of connection.
Widowhood is walking around the same house you have lived in for years and it no longer feeling like home. Because “home” incorporated a person. And they’re not there. Homesickness fills your heart and the knowledge that it will never return haunts you.
Widowhood is seeing all your dreams and plans you shared as a couple crumble around you. The painful process of searching for new dreams that include only you amount to climbing Mount Everest. And every small victory of creating new dreams for yourself includes a new shade of grief that their death propelled you to this path.
Widowhood is second guessing everything you thought you knew about yourself. Your life had molded together with another’s and without them you have to relearn all your likes, hobbies, fears, goals. The renaissance of a new person makes you proud and heartbroken simultaneously.
Widowhood is being a stranger in your own life. The unnerving feeling of watching yourself from outside your body, going through the motions of what was your life, but being detached from all of it. You don’t recognize yourself. Your previous life feels but a vapor long gone, like a mist of a dream you begin to wonder if it happened at all.
Widowhood is the irony of knowing if that one person was here to be your support, you would have the strength to grieve that one person. The thought twists and confuses you. If only they were here to hold you and talk to you, you’d have the tenacity to tackle this unwanted life. To tackle the arduous task of moving on without them.
Widowhood is missing the one person who could truly understand what is in your heart to share. The funny joke, the embarrassing incident, the fear compelling you or the frustration tempting you. To anyone else, you would have to explain, and that is too much effort, so you keep it to yourself. And the loneliness grows inside you.
Widowhood is struggling with identity. Who are you if not their spouse? What do you want to do if not the things you planned together? What brand do you want to buy if not the one you two shared for all those years? What is your purpose if the job of investing into your marriage is taken away? Who is my closest companion when my other half isn’t here?
Widowhood is feeling restless because you lost your home, identity, partner, lover, friend, playmate, travel companion, co-parent, security, and life. And you are drifting with an unknown destination.
Widowhood is living in a constant state of missing the most intimate relationship. No hand to hold. No body next to you. No partner to share your burden.
Widowhood is being alone in a crowd of people. Feeling sad even while you’re happy. Feeling guilty while you live. It is looking back while moving forward. It is being hungry but nothing sounding good. It is every special event turning bittersweet.
Yes. It is much more than simply missing their presence. It is becoming a new person, whether you want to or not. It is fighting every emotion mankind can feel at the very same moment and trying to function in life at the same time.
Widowhood is frailty. Widowhood is strength. Widowhood is darkness. Widowhood is rebirth.
Widowhood…..
is life changing."
By: Alisha Bozarth

 

[HotSauce]

I am late to this topic, and somewhat new here, but I wanted to offer my sincerest sympathy for what you're going through.

I am relatively young and not married but I can't even imagine what that has been like for you. I shed a tear reading all of this... I can only hope you can take some comfort in the good things that remain in this life, and that things change for the better with your daughter and grandson, it sounds like there was some progress at least. I really hope that will continue soon.

In my family the big upset has been dealing with my brother's drug addiction, which came very close to tearing the family apart. He had to move away as our parents could not keep him in the house as they had tried to do. He's a very smart guy and you know what they say, a person's addiction is as smart as they are, and will find ways to fool them, trick them, rationalize all kinds of behavior. Nearly drove our parents crazy. Ultimately it became obvious that giving him an infinite safety net was not in his best interest, as heartbreaking as that was, though it seems he has eventually scraped himself together again. It has no doubt been hard for him to come to terms with, as I'm sure the feeling of having wasted part of your life and shame for the things you've done to people who love you, is not easy to deal with. Watching and experiencing that happen to my dear bro was hard but... doesn't really compare with what you've been going through, I feel, but I think we all offer whatever support we can, even if we can't totally understand.

Heartfelt condolences from Philly,

Josh

 

[laatsch55]

That was good Josh.

Don't give up on your brother, I was on methamphetamine for 30 years. Did 2 stints in federal prison. A lot of shame and regret along the way. A lot of wasted time, energy and money, not to mention relationships. But, on the other side of that is a livable life. Forgiveness and grace do exist because of the human condition for a reason...you can't change the past, but you can change your future...

 

[HotSauce]

Thanks for that. It's admirable that you managed to get yourself out of that situation.

Definitely haven't given up on him. He's been clean for over a year as far as I know. Supporting himself down in Louisiana, just a lot of dealing with the aftereffects and depression that was already present before all of this started, and exacerbated by it.

If anything it was a hard lesson to learn that, ultimately, as much as you want to help somebody who's going through that.. the only one that could help him, was him. All we could do was support him and forgive him and love him and try to understand that as much as it hurt to be on the receiving end of some of those things, that in the end it hurts much more to be the one who did them. And that forgiving is important as much for your own self as for the person being forgiven.

It's true, no one can change the past, but can change their future. I do believe he has turned things around, though it's hard to know for sure when he lives far away. I think now he is at the point of being on the other side of it and having to deal, soberly, with the consequences. We talk fairly often and sometimes he will open up about it, but it's hard because he is also a proud person in a lot of ways. I really appreciate your kind words.

 

[laatsch55]

You're welcome Sir. And you are right, the change won't come until he's ready, the sad part is, that change doesn.t come sometimes. I've lost friends to that beast....and I've thought there was more i could have done, but, no, doesn't work like that.

In case we didn't, welcome to the forum!!

 

[Northwinds]

Just saw this brother, I am so very sorry for your loss

 

[roccus]

And the hits keep raining down on me. I lost our eldest dog yesterday evening...
RIP Zoey 2006 - 2021

 

[Wheel-right]

That is a very painful thing added to what you are already going through, it's hard to believe but things will get better as the days go on.